Category: Fun, Funny or Weird

12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book… if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Web will always be there tomorrow.

Loooool…
Good one, lol…
I’m way past web addiction though, nothing can help me now 😉

[Via: Mira]

Programming Today

“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build better and bigger idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.”

– Rick Cook

looooool…
I loved this one…
Very very true…

[Via: Zaid Amireh]

Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!

11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual processors if I am to do battle with this code!

10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.

9. Indentation?! — I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

8. What is this talk of ‘release’? Klingons do not make software ‘releases’. Our software ‘escapes’ leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.

7. Klingon function calls do not have ‘parameters’ — they have ‘arguments’ — and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.

6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.

5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.

4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

3. By filing this SCR you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!

2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!

1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!

looooool…
Good one…

Note: For those of you who aren’t sci-fi fans, Klingons are a race of humanoids in the Star Trek universe.

[Via: eclecticism, Slashdot]

Oral Sex Caused Car Smash

I can see how this could happen, lol…

Police in Romania were shocked to find a car crash was caused because a couple were having oral sex while driving.

The driver lost control on a crowded road in Craiova, Dolj county, and collided with an oncoming car…
The young man, whose identity was not revealed, admitted to police that he was having a “hell of a time” at the time of the crash.

Police said the couple were still in their car, fully naked, when officers reached the scene of the accident.

[Source: Ananova]

Couldn’t they just wait till they got to wherever they were going?
Was it really that urgent?
They could’ve at least stopped the car on the side of the road.
Oh well, the world is full of weirdos anyways…

Court Rules Striptease is Art

Interesting news…

Striptease is art like opera or ballet, an Oslo court has ruled in a victory for nightclub owners over Norway’s tax authorities.

The court ruled this week that striptease should be treated like other artistic stage shows, ranging from stand-up comedy to opera, for which tickets are exempt from value-added tax (VAT).

[Source: CNN]

I couldn’t agree more 😛
A striptease can be very verrrry artistic 😉
Plus it’s more fun than opera, lol…
Just kidding…

Things That Only Happen In Movies

I just found this really funny list of things that only happen in movies. Here are my faves:

– If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
– If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you on by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
– One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it’s called Stallone’s Law).
– All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
– When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
– Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
– The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
– When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Go on and read the 40 Things That Only Happen In Movies.

Global Economics in 2 Cows

You have 2 cows:

Socialism: The government takes them both and gives you some of their milk.

Fascism: The government takes them both and sells you the milk.

Nazism: The government takes them both and shoots you.

Bureucracy: The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other then spills the milk.

Capitalism: You sell one cow, use the money to buy a bull and breed the remaining cow with the bull, increasing your assets.

Arab Corporation: You sell one cow, then force the other cow to produce 4 times as much milk as usual, then find it shocking when the cow collapses.

Japanese Corporation: You redesign the cows so that they are 10 times smaller, and yet produce 10 times more milk, then design a cartoon character called

US Army to Produce Middle East Comic

The next US brainwash effort…

The US military is planning to win the hearts of young people in the Middle East by publishing a new comic.

The comic is to be a collaborative effort with the US Army, which says it has already done initial character and plot development.

It will be based on “the security forces, military and police, in the near future in the Middle East” and is being produced by US Special Operations Command at Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

Fort Bragg is home to the army’s 4th Psychological Operations Group, known as “psy-op warriors”, whose weaponry includes radio transmitters, loudspeakers and leaflets.

The unit, whose slogans include Win the Mind – Win the Day and Verbum Vincet (The Word Conquers), is schooled in marketing and advertising techniques.

[Source: BBC]

After Al Hurra TV that was aimed at Arab adults and Hi Magazine that was aimed at Arab youth, here comes another US effort to brainwash Arab children.

This is very serious and dangerous, all Arab families should be very careful what their children are being exposed to and should shield them from these psychological manipulations.

There is an Egyptian alternative comic for your children called Middle East Heroes, that is published by an Egyptian company.