Jay Leno on presidential campaigns

“What was it 91-92 degrees today? Man, I was sweatin’ like President Bush watching ‘Fahrenheit 9/11.”

“John Kerry has picked John Edwards as his running mate. … The New York Post reported John Kerry chose Dick Gephardt. But at the last second, John Kerry decided to go with a candidate with eyebrows.”

“As you know John Edwards is a former trial lawyer. Which is a smart move considering the last election was decided in court. Kerry may need him to step in and sue or something.”

“Political strategists said they thought Kerry was going to choose an older more financially successful running mate, ya know, like he did when he picked his wife.”

“The attacks have already started. ‘John Edwards is too inexperienced to be president; he’s too flashy; he’s not up to the job.’ And those are just the things John Kerry said in the primary!”